The Savvy Life

It seems like common sense.  It is so common that governments do it, businesses do it, and non-profits do it.  To achieve any sort of financial success or stability, a budget is necessary.  Let me restate that.  Budgets = Financial Success.  It is a very simple formula.  Budgets help define spending and make sure it is in line with income.  Budgets encourage savings.  Budgets assist in making decisions.

Knowing all this, I still can’t seem to make a budget for myself.  I know what my bills are, I know what my income is and I know how much is in my accounts.  From that basic standpoint, I’m not doing horribly, but I’m also not making any headway.

Trying to make a budget from scratch seems almost impossible.  Tracking my expenditures is not as simple as straightforward as I would like it to be.  I know it is a simple matter of keeping my receipts and recording them in a spreadsheet or investing in Quicken or Money.   Just can’t do it consistently enough that I trust the numbers.  Trusting the numbers is critical for following a budget.

To help rectify this problem, I have started using mint.com to keep track of my accounts.  I have five accounts to track: checking, savings, ING Direct, and two credit cards. Mint.com takes all of these and merges the data into simple charts.  It lets me plot through the various transactions, coding them as I see fit and then begins to build a budget for me – a budget of actual expenditures which I can then go in and adjust to match my financial goals.

There are two big problems with this for me: one is the amount of access and personal information I need to give up in order for this to work.   The second problem is the amount of time to truly capture a solid image of my spending.  It will take another month for me to have a realistic view of how much money I spend on gas, utilities, food, and entertainment.  I decided to take the risk and let Mint.com access my checking and savings, but not ING or my credit cards.

What I’m seeing in the charts Mint.com provides is I am well within the national norms on my spending so far and seeing how much I am spending on things like my cable churns my stomach.  Do I really watch $60 worth of TV a month?  I will have to evaluate that expense and look into alternative broadband internet access.

I’ve been using Mint.com for roughly a month and a half.  I tried to user wesabe.com at one time and found it too bland to bring me back.  I like colorful charts. I like the thought that maybe there is some intense analysis going on behind the scene trying to find me ways to save money.  Of course the only way it has determined I could save money is switch my internet, phone, cellphone, and everything else over to Verizon.  I think maybe this free service is sponsored by Verizon.  Just a guess.

I know the only real way for me to save money is to monitor my spending carefully, make wise purchases, move money from my checking account into my ING Direct saving account, set other money aside for emergencies, and work the other side of the budget equation: earn more money.

How to Have Less Awkward Conversations, located Postivity Blog and found via Lifehacker attempts to give a bit of advice in making daily interactions a bit less stressful and a bit more rewarding.

Assuming rapport. This is definitely one of the best social skill tips I have ever learned about. Unfortunately I’ve forgotten a bit about it lately. Maybe you have too. Or missed it altogether. So I thought I’d bring it up again.

Now, what is assuming rapport?

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do you do that? You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

I am a bundle of social anxiety often, worrying about how others are judging me, what kind of impression I am making, and whether my breath stinks. This concept of assuming rapport, convincing yourself that you are meeting a friend, and essentially many of the other ‘tricks’ that revolve around telling yourself a lie are doomed to failure. I’ve been in situations where someone begins treating me like we’ve known each other for ages. It is creepy and too much like glad-handing. I know that isn’t what this article is asking people to do and does further clarify later by asking people to just be themselves and be positive which is to act naturally and approach the encounter in a positive frame of mind.

I believe at the core of this is self confidence, on of the most elusive personality traits that goes all the way back to the ancient Greeks: gnothi seauton – know thyself. While I am not supporting the view of having less awkward conversations by making assumptions about the non-existent relationship, I do support the view that no assumptions should be made and a positive outlook should be used.

New York Times has a feature on 101 Simple Appetizers that can be made in less than 20 minutes.  Some of these are perfect for a quick something to bring to the office or to a party.

My personal favorites are the rumaki (#30),  shrimp cocktail (#53), nachos (#59), and #92, the “easier than carpaccio”.  Makes me hungry thinking about it.

A set of pictures of top 10 drinks men should never order. This is an arguable list, in my opinion, as I am not willing to give up my killer margaritas,

I’m in the thick of it now. Cocktail parties on my left, dinner parties on my right, stuck here in the middle with you. Or not. There are plenty of suggestions out there on how to throw a good party but only a few covering how to be a good guest. Friends, family and acquaintances go to a lot of effort to create a festive environment and make their guests feel welcome and warm in their homes. They provide copious amounts of food and beverages to sate even the most gluttonous appetite. What can I, the guest and recipient of such great holiday largesse do to acknowledge the effort or to at least minimize the effort?

1. RSVP
Répondez s’il-vous-plaît The most important thing I can do as a guest is to make the person who invited me aware of my status as a guest as soon as I possibly can. Was that too confusing? Let me try again. That phrase RSVP isn’t fancy French for ‘please ignore this invitation and then show up at the last minute’ or ‘don’t bother indicating you won’t show up’. Telling the host whether or not I will be attending allows the host to plan appropriately. The sooner I tell the host, the better it is. I may think that my presence one way or another won’t matter but it will. Unless the event is very casual, such as a holiday cocktail party, the host needs to make sure there will be enough of everything for all the guests without ending up with leftovers for the month of January. There is enough pressure in hosting a party and the least I can do as a guest is not be one of the people the host is worrying about.

2. Come Bearing Gifts
The host/hostess gift is a long held tradition that extends back to the days our ancestor’s dwelt in caves. When Og and his lovely wife Igg invited the neighbors over to their cave to feast upon berries, the neighbors made sure to bring shiny pebbles, sharp rocks, and maybe one of those melons that grow near the mammoth run as gifts of Og and Igg. I don’t have to be so extravagant as to risk my life getting rare fruit, but a simple gift as an acknowledgment of thanks to the host is always nice. Real Simple has 20 Clever Hostess Gifts to spur the imagination as to what to bring when you are invited to an event. All the items listed have one thing in common and it is the one thing I and anyone bringing a host/hostess gift needs to consider: it is a consumable. Imagine what it would be like to invite twenty people to a party and each person invited brings a trinket for which the host has no real use? Yes, that little crystal angel looks adorable, but unless the host collects such things, it will most likely end up in the spring’s garage sale. I need to make the gifts small, of minimal cost, yet meaningful to the host. Some of my friends are big tea drinkers, so gifts of tea are very much appreciated. Others like smelly things, so small fragrant hand soaps make great gifts. And yet, some of my friends are impossible to determine what they actually like and in those cases, a bottle of Canadian Club Classic usually goes over pretty well.  Do not bring food or drink and expect it to be served at the party.

3. Timing
Timing is a tricky thing. If the invitation says the event begins at 8pm, do I show up at 8pm on the dot or 8:30pm? For cocktail parties, it is okay to be a bit loose on when I arrive. In fact, showing up right when the party begins is generally reserved for the host’s closer friends. For dinner parties, though, punctuality is key. Dinner may not be served until all the guests have arrived, and while the good host will have built in buffer time between the start of the party and when the meal is served, if people are still arriving up until the time the meal is served, the host is put under extra stress taking care of the new arrivals and trying to get the dinner served. Even at informal affairs don’t show up at the very end of the party. While I may think that popping in at the end is doing the host a favor, I may be walking in right as the party has wound down and the host is trying to clean things up. Sometimes being on time is the best gift a person can give another.  Knowing when to leave is also important.  Don’t overstay your welcome.  Leaving early is better than leaving too late.

4. Temperance and Moderation
Attending a lavish affair brings out the bon vivant in all of us. Yet, these are holiday parties to share festive moments with friends and loved ones. Seeing someone get drunk and stumbly isn’t exactly the best of times. Sure, the person who has over indulged may be having a great time, but everyone else is simply praying their coats don’t get puked on. As a guest, it is my responsibility to drink moderately and make sure the host doesn’t have to concern him or herself over my indulgence.

5. Help the Host Host You
If I’ve been invited to a dinner party and I have very specific food requirements, such as allergies, religious, health, or ethical issues, it is my responsibility to politely alert the host of these issues. How to alert the host is the hard part. I came across a suggestion at About.com, “When you’re invited to a holiday party, inform the host immediately of your food allergies and offer to do what you can to help out. One extremely considerate option — and one that can ultimately make life easier for you, too — is to offer to cook or bring one or two of the dishes….” From personal experience, it makes the host feel really bad when he or she goes to the effort to prepare food and then having a guest who can’t eat anything because of an allergy or religious/ethical belief.

I have a few great memories of the holidays. Some of the memories are tied into tradition. One of the best traditions my family had regarding the holidays was saffron bread. I’ve tried dozens of times to replicate my mom’s saffron buns but never can get them to come out the same way. I think that is what makes it such a terrific tradition; it is tied forever to a key event, person, and place. My mom has moved out of her kitchen, the family doesn’t gather for Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore, and I will never taste saffron bread as good as what she used to make.

While that memory is a bit bittersweet, as all good memories should be, another memory and tradition stands out bright and beautiful. That is the memory of my first Tom and Jerry. Hearing the names Tom and Jerry usually conjures images of a cat and mouse, but this particular drink was created by the first celebrity bartender, Jerry Thomas. He designed this drink to be a winter cocktail and that is how it became my family’s traditional holiday drink to serve along with hot chocolate on those ice skating nights.

The Tom and Jerry

2 large eggs, separated
2 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon Cruzan dark rum
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 2/3 cups whole milk
1 teaspoon freshly grated whole nutmeg or ground nutmeg

In a small mixing bowl, whisk yolks briefly. Add sugar, 1 tablespoon rum, vanilla extract, allspice, cloves, and cinnamon, and whisk again. Set aside. Using electric mixer, beat egg whites in another large bowl until stiff and glossy. Fold whites into yolk mixture, and set aside.

In a medium saucepan over low heat, bring milk to simmer and remove from heat. While milk is warming, briefly stir egg batter, then add 1 1/2 tablespoons to mug. Slowly add 4 tablespoons of remaining rum, stirring constantly to prevent curdling. Fill mug with hot milk, stir, sprinkle with nutmeg, and serve.

Some variations you might want to explore:

* Instead of 1 cup of Cruzan Dark Rum, only use 1/2 cup of that and then 1/2 cup of Cruzan Vanilla Rum.
* Add an ounce of DeKuyper Hot Damn! cinnamon schnapps

I soak cloves in vodka to make a potent potable. I am eager add a bit of this to my Tom and Jerry this year.

This drink can be made ‘virginal’ by not using the rum at all and it will still taste just as great. What I love about a Tom and Jerry is it reminds me of eggnog but isn’t as thick and sweet. There is a place for thick and sweet in the holiday feasting but sometimes you just want warm and wonderful.